Losing It

After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she said, "I don't think this was good for anybody.
Garry Shandling

The experience of popping your cherry can be very traumatic. For me...well, it was just lame...I think this is what turned me off all white guys from here on...

So 3 months after I had my first kiss, I decided I needed to catch up with everyone else and lose my virginity. So, I produced a plan. My parents had taken my cellphone because I had been caught sneaking out a few weeks before. It was Christmas Eve, and I had everything worked out. I was going to stay in the empty girls dorm of my boarding school with my cousins and their parents, and sneak my target in. His name is definitely irrelevant (You'll know why later).

So on my way over, I stole my moms cellphone, and texted my target to walk over to the side door of the dorm. I broke into this one girl's dorm room to make sure that I had a place to do it in, then I tiptoed down to let the boy in. My family was sleeping, but I was still extremely nervous that they would catch me.

I was so nervous that I had to suck on a candycane to keep myself from throwing up. I still remember what I was wearing. These black booty shorts that said "kiss this" on the back, and a tiny pink tanktop. I was freezing when I opened the door, and ushered him up into the girl's room.

Sidenote: I really really liked couldn't stand this girl so I though it would be a glorious form of revenge to do it in her bed

We put a towel down under us because I was afraid I would bleed everywhere...So this unnamed boy and I started making out, and that was where my nerves stopped and my boredom began. I tried to go down his pants, and his thing was like...well..lets try to find something to compare it to...No, I don't think I can find anything small enough.

He awkwardly asked me if I wanted to do it now, and as much as I wanted to say no, I really really wanted to get it over with. He then pulled out a condom and tried to put it on. He failed. I personally think it was because even the small condoms were too big. So I stuck on two of them just to get them to stay on. Then he proceeded to try to put it in me. Honestly, I have no idea whether it ever went inside or not, it was too small. All I know, is that I definitely never bled. It was so lame that I graciously escorted him from the building and went back to bed in the room near my cousins.

So to all you bad girls, how was your "cherry popping" experience? Was it as lame as mine? And can you blame me that I went on a fast downhill track after such a boring experience? Come on! I needed some excitement!