Look Like a Girl, Think Like a Man

Four things a woman should know: How to look like a girl, How to act like a lady, How to think like a man, And how to work like a dog.
Author Unknown

The one true thing a bad girl has to be able to do is be able to convince everyone around her that she is a complete happy little lady while secretly scheming to take someone down. I figured out how to do that completely on accident!

At every school, no matter how small, there is always that one girl. You know what I'm talking about. That girl who thinks that she is way prettier, way more popular than she really is? She hangs all over the popular kids, tries to look slutty and cute, when in reality the clothes she is wearing are most likely from walmart or the clearance rack? Well that girl happened to think she was my best friend. And she annoyed the HELL out of me.

So it should come as no surprise to you that when my brief affair with this guy I will call DOUCHE ended, my great annoying friend Elizabeth decided she was in love with him. He was hot, I'll give her that. He was the best at gymnastics, and soccer, and definitely had a great bod. But he was way out of her league. She came up to me begging me to help her get him, because she was so sure he liked her. That's when I decided against my better judgement for pure enjoyment, to rekindle my affair while making her think that she had a chance. I tried to be nice, but i just couldn't find it in me. Why would a girl be dumb enough to think that I would want someone else messing with someone I had messed with? GIRLS ARE TERRITORIAL DUHHH!

Well, I called up DOUCHE, and used my womanly wiles on him to let him know I was giving him a booty call. I don't know whether I am going to go into a deeper part of hell for this, but we hooked up...GASP! In the church!!!

After that, I stopped by Elizabeth's room. She of course wanted to talk about how she was talking to DOUCHE and he was so nice to her, and blablablabla patheticness (I know, not a word) coming out of her mouth. I had to egg her on just a little more so I casually said "Well, we were talking today, and he said he was really into you."

Now as far as I knew, Elizabeth had never kissed a guy. So I arranged it so that DOUCHE would kiss her just for my delight. Of course no one is going to be better than me. So I continued on this little path until Elizabeth was crying to me that he still hadn't asked her out, and why couldn't she get him as easily as I got him, and then I just started getting annoyed.

It was time to stop this little game. Making Elizabeth look stupid wasn't as enjoyable as I had thought, and it was only giving DOUCHE an ego, so I decided instead to switch up the roles. Instead, I would get Elizabeth to admit she had messed around with him, pretend to get all upset and confess that "OMG I WAS MESSING WITH HIM TOO!!! I HAD NO IDEA! BLABLABLA" and then we would go confront him and make HIM look stupid! *BINGO!*

So, much to my delight, everything worked out, and we confronted him in a hallway and my inner devil rolled on the floor laughing while he turned red and stammered and stuttered and tried to apologize and looked stupid as all get out.

All in all girls, guys do these things all the time, so why can't we?