Poprocks :P

Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography. ~Robert Byrne, quoted in 1,911 Best Things Anybody Ever Said, 1988

People told me that once I went black I'd never go back. Well to this day, I have never dated another guy except for black guys. After Jeremy, I couldn't stand lovey dovey weak guys so I went on a search to find something so different that I would never have to gag over a baby again.

It wasn't hard to find. I broke up with Jeremy January 7, and started dating my REBOUND James on January 21. Every girl needs a rebound, and this guy was the perfect distraction. He was over 6 feet tall, massive, and a complete thug from Queens. I loved it. He played basketball religiously, and was never without a fitted. I was estatic to finally be with a guy who would ignore me once in a while. You know, a guy's got to keep you wanting more, or they're just lame.

Now the story I have to tell you is how my freakiness came into existence. We dated a few days before my best friend and her man took us back to their secret hookup spot. We started messing around, and I knoooow this is going to sound racist, but Poprocks came into the picture...I don't know why, but EVERY time I was around James, somehow he was eating Poprocks.

So we started off just laughing and randomly making out with them in our mouth, but then I got the grand idea to let the candies migrate south. We'll just keep it kosher and say that James Junior got a very up close and personal relationship with the poprocks. No boys, it actually wasn't painful.

Now I am sure that I will be telling you more stories soon about my excursions with James, so I won't spill any more secrets. But I am going to tell you another random story about another experience I had with Poprocks shortly afterwords.

I had some Poprocks in my room, and I was chilling with my best friend when I started wondering about what other bodily juices would make Poprocks pop. Somehow I came up with the grand idea to put them up my nose to see if they would pop. Nothing happened, so I continued on with my day. Later that evening, I went into the showers, and was delightfully scrubbing when I felt like my BRAIN began to explode! I shrieked SO LOUD everyone heard, and my best friend yelled from her shower "WHAT IN THE WORLD JUST HAPPENED?" I screamed back "THE POPROCKS IN MY NOOOSE!" Woefully as my brain exploded into magical fizziness. I felt like they were going to come out my eyeballs! Lets just say that you should never try that at home kids!

To wrap this up, I have two lessons for you. One is that a rebound fling is a grand way to stop worrying about your past relationships for a little while, and secondly, the way to a mans heart isn't through food or brains, but a combination of the two at the same TIME!

The First Expulsion

"The idea that one person could be all things to another person, satisfy every need or even more than one, is sentimental and mawkish."
-- Zack (from the TV show "Bones")

I fell in love. Or I thought I did. At the age of 16, who can really tell. I think it was mostly because I finally had to work to get him. His name was Jeremy, and he was my very first black lover. I did everything to get him, and in the end, I won out, even over some slutty airhead with huge boobs.

Well, we were doomed from the start. We weren't allowed to be seen together because we got caught messing around so many times. He liked me, then hated me, then who knows what else, but eventually I got him to ask me out. I was the happiest girl in the school. Or something like that. Everyone talked about us, which isn't surprising because 1. We were basically the only interracial couple, and 2. We were the horniest people in school. That's where the first expulsion began.

The most important thing you have to know is that my Father was the principal of my school.

So it was a Saturday, and we had just gotten off restrictions, and Jeremy could finally talk to me. He called me on the phone and told me to sneak into his dorm room. I was too afraid because I knew the guys would snitch, so I suggested that instead we go into the attached heater room on the side of the guys dorm because no one would go in there. I walked over, and we went in, and got down to business if you know what I mean.

Now apparently he had told 2 of his friends to go knock on the door if anyone was coming, and I was pissed because I didn't want anyone knowing, because other people always screw things up. So in the middle of things, we hear a banging on the door, and I get up to leave. jeremy was like "No, don't go, they're just messing around." Against my better judgment I stayed, and shortly after I see the door open and a pair of boots descend the stairs.

Now we were in a corner hidden from view, but my heart stopped. I knew we were caught. Why the hell hadn't I listened and just left? I just KNEW my life was over. I whispered to Jeremy "Those are not your friends shoes." And then he found us. The pedofile Dean.

I had my pants off, and as the Dean stopped in front of me I froze, expecting him to have the decency to turn around. Instead he stood there staring at my ass for at least a minute before slowly saying "I guess I should turn around." He continued to stare before finally turning.

Jeremy whispered "Should we just tell him to leave so we can finish since we're kicked out anyways?" I laughed and replied "That's what I was thinking." But in a few seconds one of the other teachers were there. My Father kicked me out of school, and I was sure I would never see my man again.

To make matters worse, I had to go meet his mother the next day to explain things, and she had lung cancer. We talked, and she went to the hospital for checkups. Apparently the stress pushed her over the edge and the next morning she passed away. Jeremy and I cried and cried, and made all these promises about how we'd stay together forever.

Sadly, within 2 months I became bored with the love emails and gushy phone calls and broke it off, thus ending the story of my first expulsion...For the moment

The True Meaning of BITCH

"Bitch: Being in Total Control Honey" - Author Unknown
"Bitch: Beautiful Individual That Causes Hardons" - Austhor Unknown
"Bad Bitch: Totally mentally gifted and usually also fine as hell." - Urban Dictionary

What do you think makes a girl a "Bad Bitch" Is it Attitude? Is it Looks? Is it Actions? I did a poll and these are the results.

What makes a girl a "Bad Bitch"
Attitude [ 140 ]
Looks [ 79 ]
Actions [ 20 ]
All 3 [ 168 ]
Hot Friends [ 25 ]

A few interesting comments I got were:
"All 3 i only say bad bitch when i know shes really a bitch and shes hot ;D "
and

"Of Course if they're uber conceited about it, it ruins the whole thing...I think they have to be able to be confident without trying to put it out there...If they have to purposely draw attention to themselves, then they arent truly bad"
and
"No guys think bitches are hot, we don't want ghetto bitches who throw fits about everything."

Take the information how you want girls, but remember, you're going to get what you give

Don't say No, Ask When

"Good girls say "No!" Bad girls ask "When?" - Unknown

When you go to a small boarding school, there aren't that many opportunities to catch a second alone with another guy. You constantly have to be on the lookout, and trying to find ways to hide. I worked in the music room, which was full of closets, and the second my boss left, I made good use of them. This is the pathetic story of...DUHDUHDUH...my first blowjob.

So it was probably 3pm and the administration building was mostly empty. I was having a fling with this mixed guy Kenny (By the way, I'm never actually going to use their real names, just the names that remind me of them). I texted him that I was going to sneak into the music room and for him to meet me. There were two different closets. He texted me that he would be there in a few minutes.

I snuck into one of the closets and locked the door. My heart was beating fast and I was thinking of all the ways to hide in case we got caught. I tried to move music boxes around so that I could hide behind them, even though I knew there would be no way to hide if I did get caught. I texted him asking where he was, and he said he was in the closet. He had gone into the other closet.

I quietly opened my closet door and tiptoed over to his closet and opened the door. He had climbed up past all of the instruments and was perched on the very top shelf. I busted out laughing. It was funny to see the most popular guy at school hiding and scared for his life. I quickly ushered him into my closet (It had more space) and we started making out.

When it came time for me to give my first blowjob I freaked out. I had nooooo idea what to do. I thought I was going to puke everywhere. It wasn't that hard though, so girls who haven't done it, don't be worried. In fact, it was actually really fun.

When we left the closet I was so scared that we were going to get caught. Sometime during the middle of our session someone had come into the music room, but luckily hadn't opened our closet. We left seperately and i tiptoed out last, looking around for any signs of his girlfriend. (Yes, even back then I had a weakness for men in relationships.) My stomach felt sick, but hey, it needed time to adjust to the new fluids it had to meet.

When looking at the consequences, risking expulsion just to mess with some guy who already had a girlfriend, most girls would've said "hell to the no." But I was a bad girl in blossom. I not only said "when!" but I was the one instigating it. And it must've been some type of okay, because we hooked up on and off for several years.

A Sad Story

Here am I: at one stroke incestuous, adulteress, sodomite, and all that in a girl who only lost her maidenhead today! What progress, my friends... with what rapidity I advance along the thorny road of vice!
Marquis De Sade

The worst part of being a bad girl is that to get to the glory of being a bad bitch, you first have to go through the pain. We are all so misunderstood, because usually we happened to find this path through horrible circumstances. We are just the ones strong enough to overcome it.

After my horribly failed attempts at popping my cherry I started dating an asian. Now you would think that the asian would be the one with the small peter wallace (word taken from my BFF) but NO! This guy was over six feet, and had a temper like no one else I had ever seen. We had serious history of hating each other. In fact, we worked together and everyone knew that we hated each other. Then one day it happened. I started wanting him.

Now since we went to a boarding school, and were not allowed contact of any kind, we had a lot of pent up frustration, if you know what I mean. Since we worked in a job that kept us off campus most of the time, he and I had more time alone than anyone else. I thought that this would be a magical way to reattempt this whole virginity thing. Except it wasn't.

He and I started fighting only days after we were together. I had great fun with it, but soon it started to wear me down. One day we were working on building a new bathroom building in this camp. We started making out in the guys bathroom, and he started expecting me to do more. He had pissed me off for some reason earlier and I didn't want anything to do with it. I thought he would leave it alone and we could finish working. But he didn't.

Instead of stopping he slammed me onto the cement floor and ripped off my pants. Now that I think about it, there should have been enough time for me to escape, but at the time, it felt like milliseconds before he impaled his large member into my not yet stretched hole. I just remember blood spurting everywhere. It looked like someone spilled a cherry slushy all over the floor. I screamed and ran away as he started yelling at me to stop being so afraid and just do it.

I ran home, and tried to clean myself off. I was crying as I saw that my entire back was bloody and the skin peeled off from hitting the floor so hard. I had handprints on my hips from him grabbing me so hard. My shirt was completely soaked with blood. Not wanting people to know, I changed my clothes, put on a brave face, and walked back over to classes. I would figure out what to do later.

When I walked into the school I knew something was wrong. A whole group of girls came up to me and congradulated me on finally losing my virginity and that they were so proud of me and blablabla. Boys looked at me and whistled saying they never knew I liked it rough. Finally it hit me. My boyfriend had told almost the entire school, bragging that he was the one to turn me into a freak. He made it look like he was the hero, and that nothing I could say would change it. No one would believe what had actually happened.

From then on, my repuatation was ruined. I had been turned into the school slut, and I had only just had my innocence taken from me. That kind of an experience will change you. From that moment on, not another guy would take advantage of me in any way. I would get my revenge.

The Key to Getting what you Want

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.
Yul Brynner

There are thousands of websites, quotes, and other girls who despise the girls who get what they want. In fact, I am one of them. But regardless of what people say, and how much women love to hate, here is the simple truth: IT WORKS!

I am kind of a genious. All my life I got perfect grades, and was the perfect student. I always got all the awards, won all the spelling bees, and everyone hated on me for being so smart. It got so bad that actually, I had no friends. I got what I wanted with teachers, got published in magazines, and had all the older males respect. Yet I stopped getting what I wanted...So I changed my tactics.

I'm a natural blonde. Acting dumber than everyone else is just plain easy. All you have to do is be clumsy and laugh at everything. Well I slipped into the role, always watching everyone around me, and secretly finding information that would get me power. I also found that by laughing and acting helpless, guys would pretty much do anything I wanted. It's a double edged sword ladies!

By acting dumb and thinking smart, you will soon gain the information and the minions to get everything you want. Regardless of how much you'll want to talk about other girls who do the same thing, it's proven that information is power, and this is the way to gain it! Talk about the others all you want, just do it better! If you're obvious enough to be talked about, you're not smart enough to handle the power

Look Like a Girl, Think Like a Man

Four things a woman should know: How to look like a girl, How to act like a lady, How to think like a man, And how to work like a dog.
Author Unknown

The one true thing a bad girl has to be able to do is be able to convince everyone around her that she is a complete happy little lady while secretly scheming to take someone down. I figured out how to do that completely on accident!

At every school, no matter how small, there is always that one girl. You know what I'm talking about. That girl who thinks that she is way prettier, way more popular than she really is? She hangs all over the popular kids, tries to look slutty and cute, when in reality the clothes she is wearing are most likely from walmart or the clearance rack? Well that girl happened to think she was my best friend. And she annoyed the HELL out of me.

So it should come as no surprise to you that when my brief affair with this guy I will call DOUCHE ended, my great annoying friend Elizabeth decided she was in love with him. He was hot, I'll give her that. He was the best at gymnastics, and soccer, and definitely had a great bod. But he was way out of her league. She came up to me begging me to help her get him, because she was so sure he liked her. That's when I decided against my better judgement for pure enjoyment, to rekindle my affair while making her think that she had a chance. I tried to be nice, but i just couldn't find it in me. Why would a girl be dumb enough to think that I would want someone else messing with someone I had messed with? GIRLS ARE TERRITORIAL DUHHH!

Well, I called up DOUCHE, and used my womanly wiles on him to let him know I was giving him a booty call. I don't know whether I am going to go into a deeper part of hell for this, but we hooked up...GASP! In the church!!!

After that, I stopped by Elizabeth's room. She of course wanted to talk about how she was talking to DOUCHE and he was so nice to her, and blablablabla patheticness (I know, not a word) coming out of her mouth. I had to egg her on just a little more so I casually said "Well, we were talking today, and he said he was really into you."

Now as far as I knew, Elizabeth had never kissed a guy. So I arranged it so that DOUCHE would kiss her just for my delight. Of course no one is going to be better than me. So I continued on this little path until Elizabeth was crying to me that he still hadn't asked her out, and why couldn't she get him as easily as I got him, and then I just started getting annoyed.

It was time to stop this little game. Making Elizabeth look stupid wasn't as enjoyable as I had thought, and it was only giving DOUCHE an ego, so I decided instead to switch up the roles. Instead, I would get Elizabeth to admit she had messed around with him, pretend to get all upset and confess that "OMG I WAS MESSING WITH HIM TOO!!! I HAD NO IDEA! BLABLABLA" and then we would go confront him and make HIM look stupid! *BINGO!*

So, much to my delight, everything worked out, and we confronted him in a hallway and my inner devil rolled on the floor laughing while he turned red and stammered and stuttered and tried to apologize and looked stupid as all get out.

All in all girls, guys do these things all the time, so why can't we?

Losing It

After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she said, "I don't think this was good for anybody.
Garry Shandling

The experience of popping your cherry can be very traumatic. For me...well, it was just lame...I think this is what turned me off all white guys from here on...

So 3 months after I had my first kiss, I decided I needed to catch up with everyone else and lose my virginity. So, I produced a plan. My parents had taken my cellphone because I had been caught sneaking out a few weeks before. It was Christmas Eve, and I had everything worked out. I was going to stay in the empty girls dorm of my boarding school with my cousins and their parents, and sneak my target in. His name is definitely irrelevant (You'll know why later).

So on my way over, I stole my moms cellphone, and texted my target to walk over to the side door of the dorm. I broke into this one girl's dorm room to make sure that I had a place to do it in, then I tiptoed down to let the boy in. My family was sleeping, but I was still extremely nervous that they would catch me.

I was so nervous that I had to suck on a candycane to keep myself from throwing up. I still remember what I was wearing. These black booty shorts that said "kiss this" on the back, and a tiny pink tanktop. I was freezing when I opened the door, and ushered him up into the girl's room.

Sidenote: I really really liked couldn't stand this girl so I though it would be a glorious form of revenge to do it in her bed

We put a towel down under us because I was afraid I would bleed everywhere...So this unnamed boy and I started making out, and that was where my nerves stopped and my boredom began. I tried to go down his pants, and his thing was like...well..lets try to find something to compare it to...No, I don't think I can find anything small enough.

He awkwardly asked me if I wanted to do it now, and as much as I wanted to say no, I really really wanted to get it over with. He then pulled out a condom and tried to put it on. He failed. I personally think it was because even the small condoms were too big. So I stuck on two of them just to get them to stay on. Then he proceeded to try to put it in me. Honestly, I have no idea whether it ever went inside or not, it was too small. All I know, is that I definitely never bled. It was so lame that I graciously escorted him from the building and went back to bed in the room near my cousins.

So to all you bad girls, how was your "cherry popping" experience? Was it as lame as mine? And can you blame me that I went on a fast downhill track after such a boring experience? Come on! I needed some excitement!

Good Girl Gone Bad

When a girl goes bad--men go right after her.
Mae West

The first thing I realized when I became a so called "bad girl" suddenly I had all the attention from guys that had never noticed me before. Along with that came the bad looks, dirty rumors, and countless facebook hate messages from jealous girlfriends. I LOVED IT!

The very first thing that happened was I found myself in a large love triangle complete with several dramatic accessories (girls of course). I'm going to explain this in the least possible complicated way okay?

First there was boy number one. We'll call him Zach. He was the stereotypical blonde-haired, big blue eyed jock. He was gorgeous. We had been best friends for years, even though we lived far away from each other and hadn't talked in forever. He was coming to visit me for a week, and I was super excited, but seriously nervous. Remember I was 15 and had never kissed a boy. In fact, I had my braces removed the day before he was supposed to arrive.

Second, there was Donovan. He was a cocky, puerto-rican skater boy with long black hair. He was a player, and definitely was used to getting what he wanted from girls. He was best friend with boy number 3. (yes i realize this is confusing)

Last but not least, was Eric. He was the highschool star: the quarterback. He was super buff and had curly dirty blonde hair and deepset blue eyes. His hands were so big that my hand fit in his palm. Literally.

Needless to say, I had my first kiss with Donovan, then my best friend made out with my dear Zach. When Zach left, I found out that Eric, who I had met slightly before Donovan, was Donovans best friend. I made a desperate attempt to keep Donovan a secret, but failed. Eventually I ended up dating Eric on and off for...well...matter of fact we still mess around almost 5 years later.

It was the first time I had so many guys interested in me, and I at the time was completely overwhelmed, but after getting almost beat up several times by the jealous girls who wanted Eric, I quickly came out of my bubble. It just made me think. Does everyone have a rude awakening into the world of boys? I was thrown in completely unaware, but that situation made me come alive. It quickly became easy to get anything I wanted from guys, and ladies, I know you feel me. The little glances that can keep them following around like a puppy. I guess it just goes to show that really, the boys are what brings the bad girl out of us all.

bad girl found out

There are no good girls gone wrong - just bad girls found out.
Mae West

You know how everyone always says they have a moment in their life when they look back and everything changed from then on? Well mine was a few days after I turned 15.

I was always a completely sheltered girl. My parents were vegan-religion freaks. I went to private schools, and still had never kissed a boy at the age of 15. I was being forced to be baptized and I didn't want anyone to think that I actually wanted to be there. I walked into the baptismal tank with hundreds of people looking at me. I stared at them with disdain and promptly blurted out "shit! This water is cold!"

from that moment forward things went downhill. People had seen my inner bad girl. 3 days later I met a random "bad boy" and not only passed first base but barely struck out before a full home run. From then on it was straight down the quick path to hell...Or something like that.

It just got me thinking. To all you bad girls...Do you remember the day when it all began?